Uncertain Terms Pt.4

We started off the activities by watching a movie, some sort of typical action flick with some unkillable badass dude and lots of explosions and a hot girl that started out as a spy for the bad guy but realized the error of her ways when she fell for the two-dimensional protagonist. I wasn't all that engrossed, but there was a full frontal of the girl in the shower late into the movie which caused Chris to whoop enthusiastically and almost smash his can of beer into the side of my face.

Sitting right next to him, I had to put a lot of concentration into not glancing in the bump in his shorts, but it was hard. Rather, it was difficult. I mean obviously it was hard, but... well, whatever. You get the point.

By the time the movie wrapped up everyone was done eating so we switched to our primary objective; the video games. Adam and I were on different teams this time around, which worked out fine because I wasn’t as good at tonight’s game anyway. We started to make a competition out of trying not to swear, but most of us just settled on generic replacements like "tits" or "balls". Chris on the other hand, got more creative depending on how ticked off he was.

At one point after being the fourth consecutive player death, he let out his best phrase yet; “dolphin cock, blender phone, shit-fuck-god-damn-titty-spleen.”

“I think you’re missing the point of the game.” Matt said while Adam and I were immobilized with laughter. Chris gave him the finger and Matt shot him, which made him even angrier.

“You fucking bastard!” he shouted, the no-swearing game completely forgotten. Blood dripped down my and Chris’s screen and the words “you lose” showed up, causing me to join in the swearing. Adam and Matt started swearing back at us, and soon it had turned into a shouting match of silly name calling. It was a good ten minutes before we got tired of the insults.


The more we drank the weirder things became. Matt got a bit quieter than usual and a bit less focused on video games, which evened out the death toll a bit. Adam started getting a bit more rude and irritating than usual but for the most part it wasn't anything that couldn't be effectively ignored. Once in a while he made a comment saying something was "gay" or calling one of us queer when we did something he didn't like. I glared at him for a few moments whenever he really ticked me off and he always said sorry, but it was hard to take it seriously when he said something else twenty minutes later.

The most surprising change however, came from Chris. After we had abandoned the games and put on another movie he left to go to the bathroom, and I shifted myself around so that I was sitting up with my back against the head board and my legs stretched out. When Chris came back he practically sat on top of me, sitting with his side pressed against me and crossing his legs on top of mine.

At first I assumed he was trying to be funny until he put his head on my shoulder. I looked over at Matt and Adam, but neither of them seemed to even notice.

"What are you doing?"

"'m tired." He said.

"Then lay down." I pushed him off to the other side but he grabbed me and pulled me down onto the bed. Before I knew it we were wrestling around and then he started biting my arm. I felt myself get an instant erection and hurriedly pushed him away.

"Okay, okay, let's just watch the movie."

Before the movie was done I had gotten up to pee about five times, and one time when I came back Chris's shorts had disappeared and he was down to his underwear. When I looked I saw that Matt and Adam were in boxers as well. I went to my bag and took out my pj's and started heading back to the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Adam asked.

"To change my clothes." I held up my pajamas.

"Dude, just do it in here. We're not going to jump on you."

"I don't wear underwear to bed. I'm taking everything off to change."

"We're all guys." Matt piped up. "We know what a dick is, we're not gonna have nightmares."

"Fine," I thought. "But if anyone brings this up at school I'm blaming it on the beer."

When I was changed I slipped under the covers of the bed, as Matt had told me earlier in the evening he didn't mind if I slept there. Chris followed me in and wrapped his arms around me, putting his head on my chest. I was bewildered and didn't know what to do so I just lay there trying to stay completely still, like I was hoping he wouldn't realize I wasn't a girl as long as I didn't move. He muttered something and I had to concentrate really hard to hear him.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

I felt bad, so I lied. In an attempt to seem more sincere I put my one arm around him. About fifteen minutes later Adam crawled into the bed on my other side while Matt went into his closet and pulled out a pile of couch cushions and some pillows and blankets to make his own bed on the floor. Chris seemed to fall asleep the moment the lights were off, so Matt, Adam and I stayed awake talking quietly for a little while.

Before long we all fell quiet, except for Matt who started snoring. I was laying with my eyes closed and right on the edge of falling asleep when I heard Adam whispering my name, asking me if I was awake. I was worried that conversing would make me more awake, so I kept quiet. I heard a rustling noise beside me and tried to ignore it. I was determined to fall asleep in the next five seconds and refused to be distracted by tossing and turning.

But I did become distracted when the noise didn't stop. And then Adam started breathing heavily and I realized what was going on. I was only mortified for a brief moment however, and then finally I was asleep.


Several hours later I woke up and soon found myself having a small, silent freakout when I saw Chris in his boxers with his arms wrapped around me. I tried to sit up but he clutched at me and pulled me over to him. He mumbled something to me and when the yelling inside my head had stopped I asked him to repeat it.

“Don’t get up yet.”

Soon I became aware that Adam was standing at the edge of the bed buckling up his belt. He looked over, saw that I was awake, then looked at Matt.

“Later.” He brushed his fingers through his hair and disappeared from the room.

I just stayed in the bed blinking for a second while Matt moved around the room cleaning things up a bit.

“Drinking makes people weird.” I said after a few long moments. Then I fell back asleep.

The next time I woke up Chris was gone as well and Matt was up playing video games will the volume turned way low. I rolled out of bed and seized my school bag, digging out my deodorant and my clothes from the day before.

“Look,” Matt said suddenly. “I don’t want Chris to give you any ideas. Just do yourself a favour and don’t let yourself fall for him.” I tossed my clothes on the bed and applied my deodorant.

“I’m not falling for him.” I said groggily, because I figured it was the appropriate thing to say.

“Good.” Matt answered. “He doesn’t get that way often, but I’ve seen it a couple times.”

And then slowly I remembered how his arms were around me this morning and everything from the night before.

“Get what way? Gay?” Matt snorted.

“No. Chris isn’t gay. He’s affectionate, yeah. But when it comes to sex he’s all about the girls. That’s why I said don’t fall for him. He’s selfish.”

“Are you speaking from experience?”

“Nah. He’s never tried it with me, and I wouldn’t let him. I’m not as comfortable around other guys as he is, but then again he wasn’t raised to be afraid of it like I was. Me and my brother weren’t even allowed to hug each other with my dad around. The guy himself never so much as shook my hand.”

I realized that I wasn’t paying much attention because my head felt like a giant cotton ball. I was mostly wishing that Matt would just stop talking.

“You'll see it sometimes, Chris even gets that way when he's sober. Him and Adam always sleep in the same bed.”

I raised my eyebrows.

"Adam doesn't seem like he'd be very into that."

"He's very into it. He just likes to put on a show, he hardly ever lets himself relax. He thinks he has to put on a front or everyone will ignore him. He's actually a pretty warm and fuzzy guy, just that the girls that chase after him are always intimidated by how he acts. And he's too embarrassed to ask for it."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"It's hard to imagine Adam being shy about anything."

"Oh trust me, I know. Chris wouldn't go near him until we were about fourteen. They used to hate each other, actually."

"How come?"

"Adam hated Chris because Chris never pretends, and he was envious. Chris just hated Adam because he acts like a tool." I laughed again.

"Anyway, I just wanted to make sure Chris wasn't putting any ideas in your head. I'm assuming I don't need to say anything on the subject of Mr. Cross."

“So you’re saying I should fall for you instead?” I joked. Matt let out a short laugh.

“Oh, god no. I’d be the worst of them all.”


Matt and I played video games for about an hour, but I wasn’t able to focus. After dying a dozen times I told him I thought it was time to return home. I got dressed, gathered up my stuff, and took off. The walk seemed to take ten times as long as usual.

When I got home I scribbled a note for my mom and went to my room to play some video games and sleep some more. I heard a knock on my door around 4pm and my mother telling me that supper was ready.

“We’re just having soup. I wasn’t sure what your stomach could handle.” She told me.

“Soup is fine. My stomach is fine, but soup is fine.”

As we ate, I told my mother what happened with Chris, and Adam’s mood, and what Matt had said regarding each. She gave me a funny look and then sipped a spoonful of soup.

“Your friends are weird.”

“I keep telling them that, and they don't believe me.” I shrugged. She paused for a moment.

“Will you be mad at Chris?” she asked. I stared at my soup.

“I would be mad," she continued. "That’s not really fair.”

“I’m not that mad. It was just a little startling, is all.”

As I sat struggling to lift up my spoon I started to realize that maybe I had lied to Matt earlier. Maybe I was starting to feel something for Chris, only to have everything pulled out from under me as soon as the feelings began.

“And what about that Adam guy? Are you mad at him?”

“He’s not really homophobic. I know we haven’t been friends for very long, but I am at least sure of that much. Like Matt said, I guess he just gets in weird moods sometimes and tries to tick people off on purpose.” My mom shook her head.

“You shouldn’t let him get away with it.” She said sternly.

"I don't, promise. I tell him off when he goes too far."

"Kind of." I added in my mind.


After supper I returned to my room. I sat on the floor, playing with my phone and staring into space. My phone buzzed a couple times but I didn’t check who was texting, the prior conversation of the day had worm me out. It hadn’t been much conversation, but it had given me a few things to think about. And I felt like I really should spend some time thinking about them.

After a few more minutes my phone started to ring and I told my phone to go away. I looked at the call display and saw that it was Chris. I didn’t answer. Once it stopped ringing I got another text – also Chris. It said “Pick up, please?” and then my phone started ringing again. I put my head down on my knees and pressed the “talk” button.

“Hello?” I said.

“Hey.” Chris said back softly. “What’s up?”

We talked about a whole lot of nothing for a few minutes which was very irritating, because Chris kept sighing heavily into my ear.

“Alright,” I said finally. “Can we just talk about this? So you can stop hyperventilating in slow motion?”

“I’m an asshole.” He offered immediately.

“What makes you say that?” I said with great wonder.

“I’m kind of needy sometimes. I feel really bad that I might have... given you the wrong idea.”

“You didn't seem concerned about it at the time.” It felt like a low blow, but now that we were talking about it I realized how frustrated I was.

"I do feel really bad."

I leaned sideways and let myself flop onto the floor. Then I just lay there curled up with my phone against my ear.

“I wasn’t thinking about it, at the time. I cuddle up with Adam sometimes, and I just never took into consideration that your situation would be... different.”

"Hey, it's not like you're exactly irresistible." I meant it as a joke but I could hear my irritation all through my voice as I said it. I apologized.

“It wasn’t that bad.” I said. “It just messed me up a little bit. I let myself get carried away.”

“Awh, it wasn't your fault. You told us a while ago you've never been with a guy at all before. I can understand how it must have been. It's not your fault if some small part of you was hopeful that you finally had someone who felt that way about you. You can't help how you feel.” Chris said, attempting to assure me.

“Yeah, I can’t help that I’m pathetic. Just a lonely queer who starts falling for his friends.”

“Come on, Dylon. I’m the one that got carried away, you know that.”

“People are allowed to show affection for their friends, there's nothing wrong with that.”

“Yes, but people generally don’t wrap their 98% naked selves around their friends and fall asleep on top of them.”

“Lucky me.” I said, and then I sighed. “I’m sorry, I’m making you feel worse.”

“Well, why shouldn’t you.” Chris replied.

“I don’t want to. It's not you I'm frustrated with, it's myself. You just wanted to feel close to someone, right? Well, I can’t fault you for that. I’m pretty familiar with the feeling.” He didn’t say anything for quite some time, and I wasn’t sure where else to go with the conversation.

“I'm a really physical person. I care a lot about my friends and I wanted to show you that I was comfortable with you, and that I'm glad to have you around. You're a good guy, Dylon. But... I should have talked to you about it first, I think.”

"I don't think it would have made a difference, really. I would have gone through this no matter what." I rolled over onto my back and put my free arm under my head and Chris apologized again.

“Look, you just wanted to cuddle. It’s not a big deal. That’s all I wanted, too. I didn’t want to have sex with you. I didn’t want to be your boyfriend. Like I said, I just got a little mixed up. I started thinking maybe it could be more than it was. But it can’t, and that’s fine. You’re a good friend. I like having you as just a friend.”

“Okay,” he breathed.

"But... I wouldn't really mind if it happened again. Now that we've got everything sorted out. If you think you'd be okay with that."

"Definitely."

I found myself smiling. The little knots that had tied themselves up around my brain started coming loose.

“Though next time try not to have your boner pressed against my leg all night, okay?” I requested. He was so embarrassed that he burst out laughing.

“Oh, shit. I didn’t even think about that.”

We talked for a couple more minutes, relieved but ultimately not having much more to discuss. Then we said goodbye and I hung up and I went back to reminding myself how stupid I was.